we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
