i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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