I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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