We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
