Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
