are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
