Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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