yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
