Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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