i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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