Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
