Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
