There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
