Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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