My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
