i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
