Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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