Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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