remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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