who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
