I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
