I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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