I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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