The maid of honor just puked.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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