my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
