one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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