They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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