drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
