That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
