:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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