It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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