I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
