So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how does that bad decision feel?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
