Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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