was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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