Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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