I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
