"it" just moved
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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