My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
