Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
