when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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