I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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