Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
