I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
