If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
