I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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