It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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