Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
