I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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