Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
