The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
