I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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