All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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