anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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