Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
